I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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