just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
