i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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