toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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