guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
