i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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