I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize