If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
