If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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