kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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