U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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