My cat gives me a boner
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
