Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize