Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
