im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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