apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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