I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
