the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
