Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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