i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
