he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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