My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
