Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
