Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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My ATM looks so different sober.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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