Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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