If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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