Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
