These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
