these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
