yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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