She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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