he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
