I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
