She is in my trunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
