It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
