You made me cry and you don't even care
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
