I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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