he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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