I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
