I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
