3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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