One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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