we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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