Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
