I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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