We won't sleep together?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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