Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
