WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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