Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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