He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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