i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
