Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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