Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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