I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
