Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
