Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
