Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
