Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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