There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
