I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
