They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself