Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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