So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick