WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.