we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.