dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
