are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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